sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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