He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
