Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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