hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
