Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
