I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
