Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
