Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
