I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
