so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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