Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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