did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
