remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
