You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
