i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
