she told me i tasted like america
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
