It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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