come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
