I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize