ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
