He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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