I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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