I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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