i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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