I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
