I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
two words...techno handjob
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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