Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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