Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
