I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
