Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
