in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
