i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
