Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
