Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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