there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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