If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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