Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
