It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My bed smells like the plague
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
