So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
