so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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