i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
