I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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