if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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