is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
