You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
