It's like God shit irony all over that family
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's always time for handjobs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
