I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
