We're facebook friends in real life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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