I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
