Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
