How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
