Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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