Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
