he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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