Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
