I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
