If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
