Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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