i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
