fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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