We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
