im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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