i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
