Will you blow on my dice?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
