I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
