im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
