my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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