Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
