Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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