Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
