Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
