That's intense
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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