You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
